Curse You DANG Airplane Bathrooms!

This past week I got to visit the AWESOME state of TEXAS!!! The weather was fantastic, people let me in when I drove, people say please and thank you, and I was with family. All things Utah doesn't offer...except the family part, I got lots of them.

Well I got to spend some time with the bathrooms of an airplane. I guess that is what I get for eating Bahama Bucks, drinking an orange juice, mountain dew, dr. pepper and two bottles of water before my flight took off. Needless to say in the three hour flight I had to go to the bathroom a lot! Good thing I alway get isle seat.

I came across two things about these bathrooms that got me thinking (which is never good).

FIRST... why do the make the seats curve in such a way that when you lay toilet paper around it to go to the bathroom you spend like 10 minutes and half a roll doing it? I felt like I was playing Junga or something. If i laid them across each other just right they might stay on. It was frustrating. I almost got to the point where I had to pee to bad I thought about just giving up and going, but then an episode of House MD came to mind about a girl who got an STD. So I naturally held it in until I could lay some protection down on those gross gross toilets.

Second... The whole flight they tell you that the flight is a Non-smoking flight. They warn you about the consequences of smoking or tampering with the smoke detectors on the flight. You go into the bathroom and there are two signs on the door saying no smoking and even one by the hand soap that says no-smoking. And yet... And Yet... they put an ash tray in the door with a burnt out cigarette. No tell me if I am wrong here but doesn't that seem really really stupid and tempting to those who want to smoke. It's like when you mom says you can't have a cookie but then after bugging her enough she just gives you a cookie.
NO SMOKING>>>> NO SMOKING>>>> oh hey but here is an ash tray in case you decide you really need to light one up.
Then I had the thought where these planes were built before they made the whole no smoking on an airplane law. Then I realized that these planes had to be older than me if that were the case, which freaked me out. I mean if this plan is that old, how safe is it? Are one of the engine going to just suddenly stop working because they are so old?
Needless to say I quickly decided that these plans are younger than me, will run great and that the airlines are wasting hundreds of dollars putting ash trays into every bathroom door in an airplane where no one can smoke. Yup BRILLIANT!!! and they wonder why they don't have enough money to pay their pilots? Stupid people.

I propose that they should get flat toilet seats so that I don't have to do the stupid pee pee dance in that tight space while trying to safely lay some barrier between me and someone else nasty butt. (mine isn't nasty of course) I also propose that they should make up their mind about smoking. Do they want us to smoke, do they not want us to smoke. Really one minute I have a lighter tucked in my pocket the next I have up to a cigarette. IT IS JUST SO DANG CONFUSING!!! with everything in the world today, can't they just stop confusing us about whether we can smoke on a plane or not? Is that too much to ask for? I mean they did spill half my Dr. Pepper in my lap because they couldn't steady the plane, do they really have to tempt me so much with smoking?

Anyways I don't understand and I did spend a majority of the flight thinking about this. You know until the lady next to me fell asleep with her mouth open and I tried to throw stuff in it. No worries, I am now CPR certified, so if i choked her I could have totally saved her.


disclaimer.... I do not smoke or have any desire to smoke. Just so ya know. NOT A SMOKER. Although it is still funny to think about. :)